My friend, Lisa, was walking Alex and Ella to school yesterday afternoon with her two boys. Along the way, part of the conversation went like this:
One boy: I smell barbecue!
Pause
Ella (age 5): I quit smoking.
Lisa: Oh, really? Had you been smoking long?
Ella: No. I never started. I just decided to quit.
Post-op report
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
I had my first post-op visit on Monday, and my surgeon was very impressed with how well I'm doing! She was surprised that I've been off the Percocet (for pain) since last week, and says everything looks good overall. It wasn't much of an outing, but I was really tired when I got home! I took a nice little afternoon nap after the kids left for school. I am certainly still lacking the energy I had... when I clean off the kitchen counters and disinfect them, and then feel like I've earned a nap... you know I'm not quite "back to normal" yet! I call this my "pretend" life that I'm living... the one where I DO get to take a nap after cleaning off the counters, someone brings me dinner every night, and my biggest job is to work on healing and getting better. Yeah, this is not my "real" life! :-) I feel pretty good in my "pretend" life; I'm not sure how well I'd hold up in my "real" life!
My surgeon reminded me how deceiving it is to see my incisions healing up so nicely and quickly... it's easy to forget the major work she did inside and how much I have to heal from under my skin.
As I do this all important job of healing (I keep reminding myself I only have one chance to do it right!), I am so thankful for all of you that have stepped in to help- taking the kids to school, picking them up, bringing meals, baking cookies with the kids or doing some other fun activity, or cleaning my bathrooms or kitchen... it has been such a help and we are all so thankful. The kids love to see you all, and I KNOW Aaron appreciates not having the entire world and all our responsibilities resting on his shoulders alone. :-)
I woke up this morning and realized that the coma I fell into on the couch last night by 7 pm was probably partly due to the fact that I'm coming down with a cold. I hope I can still fight it off (if I can't when my life consists of sitting on the couch, drinking tea and mostly resting, there's not much hope for ever fighting one off!), but if not, at least I'm not doubled over with pain every time I cough or sneeze now....just a little hurt.
Well, I'm off to attend to my cup of tea... vanilla coconut white tea this morning... :-)
My surgeon reminded me how deceiving it is to see my incisions healing up so nicely and quickly... it's easy to forget the major work she did inside and how much I have to heal from under my skin.
As I do this all important job of healing (I keep reminding myself I only have one chance to do it right!), I am so thankful for all of you that have stepped in to help- taking the kids to school, picking them up, bringing meals, baking cookies with the kids or doing some other fun activity, or cleaning my bathrooms or kitchen... it has been such a help and we are all so thankful. The kids love to see you all, and I KNOW Aaron appreciates not having the entire world and all our responsibilities resting on his shoulders alone. :-)
I woke up this morning and realized that the coma I fell into on the couch last night by 7 pm was probably partly due to the fact that I'm coming down with a cold. I hope I can still fight it off (if I can't when my life consists of sitting on the couch, drinking tea and mostly resting, there's not much hope for ever fighting one off!), but if not, at least I'm not doubled over with pain every time I cough or sneeze now....just a little hurt.
Well, I'm off to attend to my cup of tea... vanilla coconut white tea this morning... :-)
Question of the night from Max
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
"Is everything the same between red and green except for the color?"
Home sweet home
Saturday, January 16, 2010
It's nice to be home to recover, although there is a lot more noise here than at the hospital as the kids are in various stages of upset as they head to bed... some gave me sweet kisses good night they passed by me on their way to bed, and others are in loud mourning (sackcloth and ashes are coming soon, I think) over the loss of their Lego structures that had to be put away as they are being bodily removed to bed....
.... aaah, yes. With all the sadness that was present on that hospital floor, very little of it had to do with Legos. It's a different world here! :-)
I am slowly making progress and seeing hope for healing. My first night and morning in the hospital were great and I was feeling really wonderful (for having just had a major 3 hour surgery!). By the time I went to bed on Thursday night (my first night home), I was in a lot of pain from the leftover gas from the insufflation during surgery. My shoulders, front and back of my neck, chest and upper back were all sore and crackly- I felt like I was made of bubble wrap (I'm not as much fun to pop- although if I could have, I would have!). I decided to dose up on the Percocet and try to get a good night's sleep. This was a great plan, until I got to our bed and tried to figure out how I was going to lay down! My poor husband spent a good 10 minutes with me and all the pillows in our house trying to figure out how to get me into bed and in a position that I didn't feel like I was dying.
I felt like the worst patient I've ever had.... after getting it all arranged and laying back, "No, I'm sorry. I don't think this will work." Try again, and again... "Do you think you could move this one pillow up just a bit? Okay, over here more. No, down... no back up just an inch.... Okay, how about a bigger pillow under my knees? Hot pack here, ice pack here..."
Oh, the drama.
Finally, success. (and then Aaron got into bed and the whole thing tilted!)
And what great success it was! I did not move a single muscle the entire rest of the night and did not wake up at all until the alarm went off the next morning. I have not slept that well for weeks!!! In fact, I still felt in such a comfy position when I woke up, that I took another Percocet and decided to take advantage of it (who knows, if I moved, maybe I'd never be this comfortable again in my life?) and go back to sleep. I did that very well, and didn't get up until 1 pm that afternoon.. :-)
When I finally got up, much of the shoulder gas pain seemed to have dissipated, and I think it's mostly all gone by now. Now that pain is resolving, I feel much more comfortable and able to sleep in more positions, which was very helpful last night. Bed looked a little more normal and less like a pillow museum when I went to sleep.
I've been able to rest and take it easy thanks to Aaron and my mom and sister who are helping out this week. It's such a blessing to be able to sleep and rest as needed, and have them jump in to help with the kids. Of course, the kids are loving all the attention and time with Gramma and Aunt Amy. :-) Gramma is home now, hopefully to recover quickly from the cold that the kids gifted her with, and Amy will be here until Wednesday.
I made it out into the wide world today to celebrate a precious little friend's first birthday. Although not far (I trekked all the way across the street) I did get out of my pajama pants to attend! Yes, I put on other pants before I left- that was more the accomplishment that taking off my pajama pants. :-) Happy Birthday, sweet girl!
Thanks again so much for your support, comments and well wishes. I am feeling so incredibly thankful for how well surgery went, and so thankful that I made the choices I did for this surgery. Looking at the pictures of the organs she removed, I can truly tell you that I feel nothing but relief that they are gone! So many adhesions, multiple endometriomas on both ovaries... it was just a mess and I feel that my body is healthier to have that all out! Now, the sight of my "swelly belly" would beg to differ with the idea that anything was removed- it looks more like several water balloon artilleries were placed there for storage. My surgeon assures me that she really did take it all out, though, even though that page of photos showing it all cleaned up was accidentally deleted during surgery. Hmmm.... sound suspicious to anyone else? :-)
.... aaah, yes. With all the sadness that was present on that hospital floor, very little of it had to do with Legos. It's a different world here! :-)
I am slowly making progress and seeing hope for healing. My first night and morning in the hospital were great and I was feeling really wonderful (for having just had a major 3 hour surgery!). By the time I went to bed on Thursday night (my first night home), I was in a lot of pain from the leftover gas from the insufflation during surgery. My shoulders, front and back of my neck, chest and upper back were all sore and crackly- I felt like I was made of bubble wrap (I'm not as much fun to pop- although if I could have, I would have!). I decided to dose up on the Percocet and try to get a good night's sleep. This was a great plan, until I got to our bed and tried to figure out how I was going to lay down! My poor husband spent a good 10 minutes with me and all the pillows in our house trying to figure out how to get me into bed and in a position that I didn't feel like I was dying.
I felt like the worst patient I've ever had.... after getting it all arranged and laying back, "No, I'm sorry. I don't think this will work." Try again, and again... "Do you think you could move this one pillow up just a bit? Okay, over here more. No, down... no back up just an inch.... Okay, how about a bigger pillow under my knees? Hot pack here, ice pack here..."
Oh, the drama.
Finally, success. (and then Aaron got into bed and the whole thing tilted!)
And what great success it was! I did not move a single muscle the entire rest of the night and did not wake up at all until the alarm went off the next morning. I have not slept that well for weeks!!! In fact, I still felt in such a comfy position when I woke up, that I took another Percocet and decided to take advantage of it (who knows, if I moved, maybe I'd never be this comfortable again in my life?) and go back to sleep. I did that very well, and didn't get up until 1 pm that afternoon.. :-)
When I finally got up, much of the shoulder gas pain seemed to have dissipated, and I think it's mostly all gone by now. Now that pain is resolving, I feel much more comfortable and able to sleep in more positions, which was very helpful last night. Bed looked a little more normal and less like a pillow museum when I went to sleep.
I've been able to rest and take it easy thanks to Aaron and my mom and sister who are helping out this week. It's such a blessing to be able to sleep and rest as needed, and have them jump in to help with the kids. Of course, the kids are loving all the attention and time with Gramma and Aunt Amy. :-) Gramma is home now, hopefully to recover quickly from the cold that the kids gifted her with, and Amy will be here until Wednesday.
I made it out into the wide world today to celebrate a precious little friend's first birthday. Although not far (I trekked all the way across the street) I did get out of my pajama pants to attend! Yes, I put on other pants before I left- that was more the accomplishment that taking off my pajama pants. :-) Happy Birthday, sweet girl!
Thanks again so much for your support, comments and well wishes. I am feeling so incredibly thankful for how well surgery went, and so thankful that I made the choices I did for this surgery. Looking at the pictures of the organs she removed, I can truly tell you that I feel nothing but relief that they are gone! So many adhesions, multiple endometriomas on both ovaries... it was just a mess and I feel that my body is healthier to have that all out! Now, the sight of my "swelly belly" would beg to differ with the idea that anything was removed- it looks more like several water balloon artilleries were placed there for storage. My surgeon assures me that she really did take it all out, though, even though that page of photos showing it all cleaned up was accidentally deleted during surgery. Hmmm.... sound suspicious to anyone else? :-)
Heading home from the hospital
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Aaron is downstairs picking up my discharge meds and then we'll head on home!
I'm doing pretty well- got up walking last night and multiple times today. My abdomen hurts a bit but mostly it's my shoulders that are SO sore from the gas they inflated my abdomen with yesterday for the surgery. I feel all crackly when I try to take a deep breath! I'm so happy to be eating, and have enjoyed a nice quiet morning and afternoon sitting by the window drinking several cups of tea, and looking out in to the gray haze that lies between me and Mt. Rainier... :-) It is always nice to be inside with a hot cup of tea on a rainy day- I even brought my own very soft lap blanket from home, and right now, I'm doing okay without the fireplace.... :-)
Thank you, thank you for all your kind words and encouragement. Thank you to those of you who sent emails or left phone messages the night before my surgery or over the last two days. I'm sorry I didn't return the calls or emails, but I heard them and read them and was so encouraged. The magnesium citrate demanded that my time be spent in the bathroom and not at the computer or on the phone for any length of time, which was really a bummer :-)
Thank you all so much for all of your notes and walking through the day with us. I feel so loved, supported and cared for… and that’s a really nice way to feel.
My surgeon came in to talk with me again this morning and go over the surgery once more. I knew I was in pain, but it’s always nice to have someone tell you there was a good reason for it… :-) The endometriosis appeared to be contained entirely in the organs that she removed- she looked all around but didn't see any signs on any other organs. That is so encouraging to me that hopefully it will be gone now for good! Once again, my right ovary was stuck to the back of my uterus, and my left ovary was stuck to my pelvic wall, and pulling up. It was twisting on itself due to the adhesions, but couldn't fully twist (an ovarian torsion) because it was stuck in place. So, that was probably the primary source of all that left sided pain I've been having since November.
It sounds like transport is here so I'm on my way home!
I'm doing pretty well- got up walking last night and multiple times today. My abdomen hurts a bit but mostly it's my shoulders that are SO sore from the gas they inflated my abdomen with yesterday for the surgery. I feel all crackly when I try to take a deep breath! I'm so happy to be eating, and have enjoyed a nice quiet morning and afternoon sitting by the window drinking several cups of tea, and looking out in to the gray haze that lies between me and Mt. Rainier... :-) It is always nice to be inside with a hot cup of tea on a rainy day- I even brought my own very soft lap blanket from home, and right now, I'm doing okay without the fireplace.... :-)
Thank you, thank you for all your kind words and encouragement. Thank you to those of you who sent emails or left phone messages the night before my surgery or over the last two days. I'm sorry I didn't return the calls or emails, but I heard them and read them and was so encouraged. The magnesium citrate demanded that my time be spent in the bathroom and not at the computer or on the phone for any length of time, which was really a bummer :-)
Thank you all so much for all of your notes and walking through the day with us. I feel so loved, supported and cared for… and that’s a really nice way to feel.
My surgeon came in to talk with me again this morning and go over the surgery once more. I knew I was in pain, but it’s always nice to have someone tell you there was a good reason for it… :-) The endometriosis appeared to be contained entirely in the organs that she removed- she looked all around but didn't see any signs on any other organs. That is so encouraging to me that hopefully it will be gone now for good! Once again, my right ovary was stuck to the back of my uterus, and my left ovary was stuck to my pelvic wall, and pulling up. It was twisting on itself due to the adhesions, but couldn't fully twist (an ovarian torsion) because it was stuck in place. So, that was probably the primary source of all that left sided pain I've been having since November.
It sounds like transport is here so I'm on my way home!
My husband is the best!
I need to proclaim it loudly, and the highest I can currently get is the 11th floor of the hospital. So hear me blogging from the top of hospital on the hill:
Aaron is amazing!
This man is the most patient and steady friend a girl could have- particularly a girl in pain, preparing for surgery, or post-op surgery! He has been so helpful in preparing, and put up with all the little and big things I wanted done before surgery to be prepared as best as I could. He has held me in my pain, gotten up at night to get me water and medicine when needed, rubbed my back and legs, put up with all my moods (made worse by hormones that we hoped would help control symptoms) and pre-op anxiety, and has promised to not ship me off to far countries with the new hormone adventures we're beginning (as of last evening, I'm now in menopause!). He has willingly and cheerfully prepared to take on multiple additional responsibilities in the coming weeks... actually, to continue doing so- he's already been filling in the pieces for me when I've been unable to the last couple months.
Completely exhausted and tired last night, fighting a cold, up several times the night before (awakened by me getting up, or helping Max change his bed after he threw up)... he graciously and lovingly stayed here extra late with me to make sure I was settled- which involved getting the room all set up with every little thing that I needed close at hand. I love this man!
Thank you, Aaron, for the many, many ways that you show your love for me.
Aaron is amazing!
This man is the most patient and steady friend a girl could have- particularly a girl in pain, preparing for surgery, or post-op surgery! He has been so helpful in preparing, and put up with all the little and big things I wanted done before surgery to be prepared as best as I could. He has held me in my pain, gotten up at night to get me water and medicine when needed, rubbed my back and legs, put up with all my moods (made worse by hormones that we hoped would help control symptoms) and pre-op anxiety, and has promised to not ship me off to far countries with the new hormone adventures we're beginning (as of last evening, I'm now in menopause!). He has willingly and cheerfully prepared to take on multiple additional responsibilities in the coming weeks... actually, to continue doing so- he's already been filling in the pieces for me when I've been unable to the last couple months.
Completely exhausted and tired last night, fighting a cold, up several times the night before (awakened by me getting up, or helping Max change his bed after he threw up)... he graciously and lovingly stayed here extra late with me to make sure I was settled- which involved getting the room all set up with every little thing that I needed close at hand. I love this man!
Thank you, Aaron, for the many, many ways that you show your love for me.
Hello from Post-Op Heather
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Wow what a day! I am so thankful to be up my private room with a nice view of the city. I should have a view of Mt Rainier in the morning and I even get to stay in bed and enjoy that. :)
I have a bit of a sore throat from anesthesia but nothing that my nice, cold, frothy, soothing, filling chocolate milkshake isn't helping. :) I hurt but my pain is pretty well controlled with my PCA (I press a button to have pain medicine delivered through my IV).
I got to call home and say goodnight to the kids. It was good to hear their voices and to reassure them that I was just fine. Max was especially relieved that there had been no fires, floods or terrorists hampering my operative experience.
I'm pretty sleepy and am really looking forward to the peaceful sleep that comes from knowing that my surgery is over and taken care of. I may well be able to come home tomorrow. We'll see how things go. Did I mention that I was tired? Aaron and I had lots of little naps last night between bowel prep and Max deciding that this was a good night to get sick and throw up.
Well I had best sign off now so Aaron can get started on that nice hand massage. :) I also had better quit talking now, while I'm on this Dilaudid. Who knows what I might post for all the world to see!
I have a bit of a sore throat from anesthesia but nothing that my nice, cold, frothy, soothing, filling chocolate milkshake isn't helping. :) I hurt but my pain is pretty well controlled with my PCA (I press a button to have pain medicine delivered through my IV).
I got to call home and say goodnight to the kids. It was good to hear their voices and to reassure them that I was just fine. Max was especially relieved that there had been no fires, floods or terrorists hampering my operative experience.
I'm pretty sleepy and am really looking forward to the peaceful sleep that comes from knowing that my surgery is over and taken care of. I may well be able to come home tomorrow. We'll see how things go. Did I mention that I was tired? Aaron and I had lots of little naps last night between bowel prep and Max deciding that this was a good night to get sick and throw up.
Well I had best sign off now so Aaron can get started on that nice hand massage. :) I also had better quit talking now, while I'm on this Dilaudid. Who knows what I might post for all the world to see!
In the room
Heather is settled in room 1104 and almost ready to blog. She tried but it hurt too much to sit up. She looks great and is relieved that the surgery was only via laparoscopy. She is looking at the menu and ready to EAT!
WOW
Heather is out of surgery and not even in the recovery room yet but I just met with a grinning Dr Jaucian as she told me of the complete success in surgery. It gets better. It was done completely through the scope so her recovery time is so much quicker than her expected laparotamy. I'm quivering with joy with the realization that she will likely head home Thursday to begin her recovery. This is huge. :) I can't wait to tell her. It'll be another hour. WOW again.
meanwhile. . .
I'm remembering with fondness last nights discussion with the kiddos. There were lots of worried faces but we talked about how trust in God means we place our lives in his hands when we can't see the outcome. "When I'm standing beneath you and you jump from a ledge do I catch you?" all heads nod and smile. "What if you couldn't see daddy but he said to jump because he could see you?" a few worried looks but then some smiles. Today we placed Mommy in God's hands for a procedure that is otherwise a normal operation but it holds worry with it.
Heather explained how this endometriosis pain led to that very full family seated there last night. They looked on in wonder and many follow up questions as she showed God's hand in crafting this family without a Heather pregnancy. Any pregnancy in the mix would have altered this Bauer existence and I'm tearing up to think one or more of them would have been bumped out of the Bauer Bunch.
Aaron
Heather explained how this endometriosis pain led to that very full family seated there last night. They looked on in wonder and many follow up questions as she showed God's hand in crafting this family without a Heather pregnancy. Any pregnancy in the mix would have altered this Bauer existence and I'm tearing up to think one or more of them would have been bumped out of the Bauer Bunch.
Aaron
Into the OR
I've just said goodbye to Heather and gave the last hugs and kisses for while. Carl was administering drugs, Jan is the nurse and Dr Jaucian is ready to operate with her team. Elizabeth wrote a card to the doctors to encourage them to do their best hoping that they had rested well. The Drs assured us they had rested well and Dr Jaucian is keeping the card in her front chest pocket to remind her of how many people love her. I won't expect updates until about 6pm. Thanks for all your prayers. We'll get Heather situated in her room tonight (i think on Swedish 11SW) before we invite guests to see her.
At the hospital
We're here, checked in, and waiting. I'm a little nervous, but mostly STARVING! That takes precedence right now... :-) My last meal was yesterday's breakfast, and only clear liquids since then. I'm looking forward to anesthesia and surgery right now primarily because it puts me closer to eating again... :-)
Not much else to say, but I'm on my to the next waiting room now... :-)
Not much else to say, but I'm on my to the next waiting room now... :-)
YEAH!!!!
SOOOOO relieved! I just got off the phone with my surgeon and the problem is fixed, they got me a room in the Main OR and I should be able to go close to my originally scheduled time of 2:15!! We had thought if they were able to do it today at all that I would have to be an add on case at the end of the day.
I am immensely thankful- I just could not fathom having surgery canceled and have to continue to wait for a later rescheduled date. After all the prep (NO one should have to do bowel prep twice for the same surgery!) and arrangements, not to mention the pain, we are ready for this to happen TODAY!!!
My mom just arrived to stay with the kids for a couple days so we're going over all that fun stuff- when to pick up the kids from school, where the school is :-), what time bedtime REALLY is.... :-)
We're off to the hospital in another 30 minutes or so.... the next adventure begins...
I am immensely thankful- I just could not fathom having surgery canceled and have to continue to wait for a later rescheduled date. After all the prep (NO one should have to do bowel prep twice for the same surgery!) and arrangements, not to mention the pain, we are ready for this to happen TODAY!!!
My mom just arrived to stay with the kids for a couple days so we're going over all that fun stuff- when to pick up the kids from school, where the school is :-), what time bedtime REALLY is.... :-)
We're off to the hospital in another 30 minutes or so.... the next adventure begins...
Pray for the surgery and scheduling difficulties today. They aren't sure they have a spot in the OR. The doc called and is working on it.
Happy surgery to me...
Thursday, January 7, 2010
I feel so far behind it's hard to just jump in with "now." However, the reluctance to jump in with "now" is a large part of how I got so far behind!
...I'll get a chance to go back and blog about our trip to Ocean Shores, and THEN I'll update about preparing for Thanksgiving in the local ER... Or... first I'll get around to sharing the amazing, wonderful, great news that Mom Jackie is OUT of the hospital now while waiting for her heart transplant... and THEN I can reminisce about Christmas, Max's 7th Birthday and the New Year....
Or, I can just start here and now, and actually post something. I guess I'm going with Plan B.
I'm having surgery in 6 days. Big surgery. This is starting to sink in a bit more. I have spent the last 7 weeks (since the above mentioned ER visit) longing for this surgery with all of my heart, soul and abdomen (especially this area- it's been sending up it's own not-so-silent-pleas); despairing that it was so long in coming; and literally counting down the days. When feeling better, I've been planning, organizing, cooking and cleaning in hopes of lightening the load on my hubby and family during my recovery when I will officially be Totally Lame And Pathetic. Maybe I need a t-shirt that says this, just so no one feels uncomfortable with what appears to be obvious, but seems unkind to state out loud: "Um, excuse me, but I could hardly help but notice that you seem to be Totally Lame And Pathetic. Can you really not do anything useful?"
The answer could be on the back: No, I Can't. Of course, that wouldn't necessarily help, since most people won't even see my back unless they happen to be laying on the floor under my clear Plexiglas sofa cushions.
I don't really have a Plexiglas couch (fairly obvious, I know), and anyway, who could fit under the couch with all the books and toys that are "stored" there?
Anyway, veering wildly down a rabbit trail... I promise, I'm not even on Percocet right now. :-)
So, my endometriosis is back, and causing quite significant ongoing pain this time. It all came on fairly suddenly, and once it started, it didn't let go. The pain has not seemed to cycle, it's just daily in some form or another and requires narcotics on the worst days. Hard to do life as usual this way!
In 6 days, my surgeon and one of her partners will spend a couple of hours "cleaning up" after my endometriosis uninvited guest- removing several large masses, any adhesions, and any other spots of endometriosis they can find. After that, I have kindly asked that she please remove the organs most heavily involved with this disease, because I'd like to be done with this, thank you very much. This will be my second surgery for this (endometriosis, not organ removal), and I'd really like it to be my last.
This is no guarantee that I will be rid of the endo forever- 15% of woman with endo who have their uterus and both ovaries removed still struggle with endometriosis... can you believe that? Of course, given that I will have turned 36 three days prior to surgery ...."Happy Birthday to you, would you like that removed? We can take it all for you, and we hope that you'll feel brand new..." (Yes, that can be sung) I'm not quite ready yet to be thrust into immediate full menopause, so will be taking replacement hormones, which can in turn feed the endometriosis. Tricky stuff, hmmm?
However, I am putting in my order for the glorious This Solves All My Problems type of experience. :-) After, of course, I recover from my open abdominal surgery: no lifting more than 10 pounds for 6 weeks, no driving for 3-4 weeks, tired, needing extra rest/sleep (ha!), and getting my new hormone regimen figured out.
All of this makes me reflect on the plans we make. I had purposed to enjoy this year in a special way, to not let these unique moments of life slip by, not not miss the little blessings of this years' schedule. It may sound silly, but this was a beautiful year to anticipate: All six kids in school this year, at the same school. One school schedule to work with, and a couple hours in the afternoon "free." I wanted to soak it all in and enjoy it... just make the most of it realizing that this year will never come again.
My afternoons of Bible study with my cup of tea, curled up in my favorite chair with a beautiful garden view, and silent (aahhh, the silence!) little tasks around the house lasted for one month. One month. Month two: Flu. Months three & four: Holidays leading into/alternating with days of Pain. Month 5? I probably won't even remember month five as I'll spend all those afternoons in an exhausted coma after making it through the morning post-op!
Isn't it interesting how our plans change? I am having to focus so much more on how to really "soak up" this time. I don't want to just get through it, because this is still my life, my kids' lives, my husband's life... and we don't get to do these days again. They are precious, even these truly hard and painful days. How will I treasure them in this new time that I wasn't expecting? What does that look like for this time of life? I don't know the answer to that yet. I'd love to hear your thoughts on how you treasure each moment that you're given...
...usually I take pictures, but I can tell you, that is one way I will NOT be treasuring/documenting this time! :-)
...I'll get a chance to go back and blog about our trip to Ocean Shores, and THEN I'll update about preparing for Thanksgiving in the local ER... Or... first I'll get around to sharing the amazing, wonderful, great news that Mom Jackie is OUT of the hospital now while waiting for her heart transplant... and THEN I can reminisce about Christmas, Max's 7th Birthday and the New Year....
Or, I can just start here and now, and actually post something. I guess I'm going with Plan B.
I'm having surgery in 6 days. Big surgery. This is starting to sink in a bit more. I have spent the last 7 weeks (since the above mentioned ER visit) longing for this surgery with all of my heart, soul and abdomen (especially this area- it's been sending up it's own not-so-silent-pleas); despairing that it was so long in coming; and literally counting down the days. When feeling better, I've been planning, organizing, cooking and cleaning in hopes of lightening the load on my hubby and family during my recovery when I will officially be Totally Lame And Pathetic. Maybe I need a t-shirt that says this, just so no one feels uncomfortable with what appears to be obvious, but seems unkind to state out loud: "Um, excuse me, but I could hardly help but notice that you seem to be Totally Lame And Pathetic. Can you really not do anything useful?"
The answer could be on the back: No, I Can't. Of course, that wouldn't necessarily help, since most people won't even see my back unless they happen to be laying on the floor under my clear Plexiglas sofa cushions.
I don't really have a Plexiglas couch (fairly obvious, I know), and anyway, who could fit under the couch with all the books and toys that are "stored" there?
Anyway, veering wildly down a rabbit trail... I promise, I'm not even on Percocet right now. :-)
So, my endometriosis is back, and causing quite significant ongoing pain this time. It all came on fairly suddenly, and once it started, it didn't let go. The pain has not seemed to cycle, it's just daily in some form or another and requires narcotics on the worst days. Hard to do life as usual this way!
In 6 days, my surgeon and one of her partners will spend a couple of hours "cleaning up" after my endometriosis uninvited guest- removing several large masses, any adhesions, and any other spots of endometriosis they can find. After that, I have kindly asked that she please remove the organs most heavily involved with this disease, because I'd like to be done with this, thank you very much. This will be my second surgery for this (endometriosis, not organ removal), and I'd really like it to be my last.
This is no guarantee that I will be rid of the endo forever- 15% of woman with endo who have their uterus and both ovaries removed still struggle with endometriosis... can you believe that? Of course, given that I will have turned 36 three days prior to surgery ...."Happy Birthday to you, would you like that removed? We can take it all for you, and we hope that you'll feel brand new..." (Yes, that can be sung) I'm not quite ready yet to be thrust into immediate full menopause, so will be taking replacement hormones, which can in turn feed the endometriosis. Tricky stuff, hmmm?
However, I am putting in my order for the glorious This Solves All My Problems type of experience. :-) After, of course, I recover from my open abdominal surgery: no lifting more than 10 pounds for 6 weeks, no driving for 3-4 weeks, tired, needing extra rest/sleep (ha!), and getting my new hormone regimen figured out.
All of this makes me reflect on the plans we make. I had purposed to enjoy this year in a special way, to not let these unique moments of life slip by, not not miss the little blessings of this years' schedule. It may sound silly, but this was a beautiful year to anticipate: All six kids in school this year, at the same school. One school schedule to work with, and a couple hours in the afternoon "free." I wanted to soak it all in and enjoy it... just make the most of it realizing that this year will never come again.
My afternoons of Bible study with my cup of tea, curled up in my favorite chair with a beautiful garden view, and silent (aahhh, the silence!) little tasks around the house lasted for one month. One month. Month two: Flu. Months three & four: Holidays leading into/alternating with days of Pain. Month 5? I probably won't even remember month five as I'll spend all those afternoons in an exhausted coma after making it through the morning post-op!
Isn't it interesting how our plans change? I am having to focus so much more on how to really "soak up" this time. I don't want to just get through it, because this is still my life, my kids' lives, my husband's life... and we don't get to do these days again. They are precious, even these truly hard and painful days. How will I treasure them in this new time that I wasn't expecting? What does that look like for this time of life? I don't know the answer to that yet. I'd love to hear your thoughts on how you treasure each moment that you're given...
...usually I take pictures, but I can tell you, that is one way I will NOT be treasuring/documenting this time! :-)
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