Happy surgery to me...

I feel so far behind it's hard to just jump in with "now."  However, the reluctance to jump in with "now" is a large part of how I got so far behind! 

     ...I'll get a chance to go back and blog about our trip to Ocean Shores, and THEN I'll update about preparing for Thanksgiving in the local ER...   Or...  first I'll get around to sharing the amazing, wonderful, great news that Mom Jackie is OUT of the hospital now while waiting for her heart transplant... and THEN I can reminisce about Christmas, Max's 7th Birthday and the New Year....

Or, I can just start here and now, and actually post something.  I guess I'm going with Plan B.

I'm having surgery in 6 days.  Big surgery.  This is starting to sink in a bit more.  I have spent the last 7 weeks (since the above mentioned ER visit)  longing for this surgery with all of my heart, soul and abdomen (especially this area- it's been sending up it's own not-so-silent-pleas); despairing that it was so long in coming; and literally counting down the days.  When feeling better, I've been planning, organizing, cooking and cleaning in hopes of lightening the load on my hubby and family during my recovery when I will officially be Totally Lame And Pathetic.  Maybe I need a t-shirt that says this, just so no one feels uncomfortable with what appears to be obvious, but seems unkind to state out loud:  "Um, excuse me, but I could hardly help but notice that you seem to be Totally Lame And Pathetic.  Can you really not do anything useful?"

The answer could be on the back:  No, I Can't.  Of course, that wouldn't necessarily help, since most people won't even see my back unless they happen to be laying on the floor under my clear Plexiglas sofa cushions.
I don't really have a Plexiglas couch (fairly obvious, I know), and anyway, who could fit under the couch with all the books and toys that are "stored" there? 

Anyway, veering wildly down a rabbit trail... I promise, I'm not even on Percocet right now. :-)

So, my endometriosis is back, and causing quite significant ongoing pain this time.  It all came on fairly suddenly, and once it started, it didn't let go.  The pain has not seemed to cycle, it's just daily in some form or another and requires narcotics on the worst days.  Hard to do life as usual this way!

In 6 days, my surgeon and one of her partners will spend a couple of hours "cleaning up" after my endometriosis uninvited guest- removing several large masses, any adhesions, and any other spots of endometriosis they can find.  After that, I have kindly asked that she please remove the organs most heavily involved with this disease, because I'd like to be done with this, thank you very much.  This will be my second surgery for this (endometriosis, not organ removal), and I'd really like it to be my last.

This is no guarantee that I will be rid of the endo forever- 15% of woman with endo who have their uterus and both ovaries removed still struggle with endometriosis... can you believe that?  Of course, given that I will have turned 36 three days prior to surgery ...."Happy Birthday to you, would you like that removed?  We can take it all for you, and we hope that you'll feel brand new..." (Yes, that can be sung)  I'm not quite ready yet to be thrust into immediate full menopause, so will be taking replacement hormones, which can in turn feed the endometriosis.  Tricky stuff, hmmm?

However, I am putting in my order for the glorious This Solves All My Problems type of experience. :-)  After, of course, I recover from my open abdominal surgery: no lifting more than 10 pounds for 6 weeks, no driving for 3-4 weeks, tired, needing extra rest/sleep (ha!), and getting my new hormone regimen figured out. 

All of this makes me reflect on the plans we make.  I had purposed to enjoy this year in a special way, to not let these unique moments of life slip by, not not miss the little blessings of this years' schedule.  It may sound silly, but this was a beautiful year to anticipate:  All six kids in school this year, at the same school.  One school schedule to work with, and a couple hours in the afternoon "free."  I wanted to soak it all in and enjoy it... just make the most of it realizing that this year will never come again.
My afternoons of Bible study with my cup of tea, curled up in my favorite chair with a beautiful garden view, and silent (aahhh, the silence!) little tasks around the house lasted for one month.  One month.  Month two: Flu.  Months three & four: Holidays leading into/alternating with days of Pain.  Month 5?  I probably won't even remember month five as I'll spend all those afternoons in an exhausted coma after making it through the morning post-op!

Isn't it interesting how our plans change?  I am having to focus so much more on how to really "soak up" this time.  I don't want to just get through it, because this is still my life, my kids' lives, my husband's life... and we don't get to do these days again.  They are precious, even these truly hard and painful days.  How will I treasure them in this new time that I wasn't expecting?  What does that look like for this time of life? I don't know the answer to that yet.   I'd love to hear your thoughts on how you treasure each moment that you're given... 

...usually I take pictures, but I can tell you, that is one way I will NOT be treasuring/documenting this time! :-)